I hit the casino, ready to prove Balatro made me a poker god. Five Card Draw was too basic, but perfect for my plan. My hand was weak: ace, queen, 7, 6, 4, but I had the real weapons: a case of Jokers, Tarot, and Planets.

I laid them out: Credit, Business, Droll, Crafty, Blueprint, negative Tribe. Then the finishers: Jupiter and The World. The dealer and player froze as I slammed Jupiter to “upgrade” my nonexistent Flush. They thought I was bluffing. Then I dropped The World, turning my queen, 7, and 6 into spades. Full Flush.

I slid my glasses down and said, “Flush your hands down the toilet.” The room went silent, then applause erupted. I walked away rich: 300 chips plus a few dollars from my Jokers, while the dealer and the other guy stayed frozen in shock. To this day, they’re probably still sitting there.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

oh i see you found a picture of me at work! thats awesome!

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no uneditedbrute, it is FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

my ewoke will destroy you.