In Waffles We Trust

Yes, I know what you wanted, and its here! Joining me and my platnium anchor will result in a sensation all its own. Women will want you, men will want to be you, you'll be the envy of your friends, the family you never had will love you once more, and you wll recieve my divine wisdom, approval, and acceptance of what ever your miserable life leads you to become; something that can only be earned by true Wafflecorp potential slaves and/or employes. Upon entry, you will be granted the respect we all know you might deserve. Do you believe in magic? than you believe in Wafflecrop. The potential man or woman seeking excitment, or maybe a even a religous experience, should look no further, for past these candycane gates is true freedom, the chance you have been all been waiting for, the chance to show your peers that you are far superior than they, despite their devilish taunts of disapproval and indignity. All these fantastic opportunities and more are ahead and readily availble if you so choose; so how could one resist such ostrich equivelent fortune, found only, at Wafflecorp, a family company.
-Quality Waffles (The best CEO ever.)