On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero

You know what day it is today? It's Saturday! But it's even more than just a regular Saturday, it's September 8th! It's the 251st day of the year (252nd in leap years) and there are only 114 days remaining until the end of the year!! But don't worry, I've saved the best for last: IT IS THE BIRTHDAY OF GREG!! Everybody sing along: Happy Birthday to Greg, Happy birthday to Greg! Happy birthday dear Bunny-Scunt! Happy birthday to our friend Greg! ;D