Vote Impeccable Hat for a better tomorrow, today.

Do you want 'Merica to be strong and free? An SUV in every pot? A big-screen in every house...Or every room?

If so, then vote for Hat. I promise to increase industrial pollution to unprecedented levels, thereby increasing global warming and bringing a tropical vacation right to your doorstep -- convenient! I will blow up 'Merica's enemies with lots of nukes and stuff, and light a stick of dynamite under the dollar.

'Merica has been undervaluing its fiscal stock returns against advance credit and gross GDP -- no more of that crap with Impeccable Hat at the helm! Full steam ahead, Captain Hat.

I will reduce crime by making fewer things illegal.

Lastly, I will direct the Army Corp of Engineers to chop Mexico off of 'Merica and make all them Mexicans float to China. Domestic production of burritos will then skyrocket.

Do you BLEED red white and blue?
Do the stars and stripes bring big manly tears of pride to your iron-sight eyes?
Do you love bacon?

There is one man, one Hat, who will preserve this heritage of God, Guns, and Guts for this generation and all those to come. One Hat willing to step up to the plate. One Hat ready to saddle up, buckle down and kick ass for the 'Merican way of life.

But before he can help you, you need to help him.

Your country is calling -- will you answer?