i had a dream that we were f*cking crazy style on the ice and your ♥♥♥ froze to the ice

Oh I’m sorry snowflake, did I OFFEND you? Do you want a hug? Do you want a kiss? I will kiss you. I will do it. That’s it.. mmh.. your lips are so soft, snowflake… mnnnhmmnn…..ahh…S-Snowflake…

I have a 4 inch penis. I’m 22 and 6’2 and though I’m not really “toned” I’m pretty big and beefy in most ways (my friends say I’m built like a brick house). Most people in my life think I’m blessed with that size everywhere and tbh I might’ve gone along with it a few times - any time someone asks how big I am I say 6” to not arouse suspicion. Even my teammates who’ve seen me soft seem to accept it when I tell them I’m a grower. No one knows how below average I am down there and it feels so embarrassing, both to lie about it and to admit it. I just wanted to practice actually saying it, I guess

Power went out at work today. I was sooo excited because I had only recently got my new flashlight (Skilhunt M150 4). Just a few seconds after lights out (I work in a warehouse, so it gets really dark) I had already whipped out my flashlight and lit up my area. When I walked over to find my coworkers there were already a few grouped up, one being a girl that I’ve kinda been talking to. I showed off the beamage of my everyday. They all giggled and said they would just use their phones while rolling their eyes. It was a bit disheartening, because I had been looking forward to a chance like this to show off my flashlight. But that’s when this guy stepped up and admired my torch. He said it was cool and had me shine it down different parts of the warehouse to see how far it would light up. Then a few other people admired it too. I don’t exactly think that anyone really cared about it, but I thought it was cool of you. Thank you for being cool

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this guy f*cks and sucks!

this dude fruity ah hell. ICKY!!!!!!

One day I met your mother at a bar and after a few drinks she began to get horny so I let her whip out my d**k. She proceeded to go to town and give me the sloppiest blowjob known to mankind. My manmeat was so engorged and sensitive that instantly I blew over 2 liters of ♥♥♥ into every orifice that she possesses. Unknowingly, some of my godly sperm got into her vagina and crawled into her fallopian tube where she was instantly impregnated. The resulting baby is you. I am a proud father, and you are a beautiful godly boy

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hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

people love to change everything in a recipe then say it's bad i followed this recipe down to the microgram and it was PERFECT!!!! MOST YUMMY TASTY FOOD EVER!

don't like cream, garlic or fusilli... substituted beet juice for all. tasted horrible 0/10 do not make this recipe.../........

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO ♥♥♥♥ *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~

+rep love her accent

You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to ᴄᴜᴍ uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of ꜱᴇᴍᴇɴ. You desperately shove your ᴅɪᴄᴋ into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The ᴄᴜᴍ accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop ᴄᴜᴍᴍɪɴɢ. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to ᴄᴜᴍ into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The ᴄᴜᴍ is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the ᴄᴜᴍ from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the ᴄᴜᴍ. You slip and fall in your own ꜱᴘᴇʀᴍ. The ᴄᴜᴍ is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect ꜱᴇᴍᴇɴ hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to ᴄᴜᴍ all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own ᴄᴜᴍ

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Took time off from volunteering at the animal shelter to drop his Ferrari off at my house so I could “borrow” it. I put borrow in quotes because ended up letting me keep the damn thing. I’ll be driving it next Thursday to see you accept your Nobel Hockey Prize that they created just for you. +REP good guy

Folks, let me tell you something, this guy Hoody, he’s out there on the ice, zooming around like nobody’s business, and I’m hearing—people are telling me, great people, the best—that he’s using PEDs, performance-enhancing drugs, okay? Not fair, not honest. And get this, he’s got these AI skates, unbelievable, artificial intelligence, making him glide like some kind of robot, which I don’t even think should be legal, frankly. I’d skate circles around him, no PEDs, no AI, just pure talent, believe me, but Hoody? He’s cheating, big league, and everybody knows it! Sad!

no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, missionary, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, on a trampoline, in a bounce house, in the pool, bent over, in the basement, have the most toe curling, back arching, leg shaking, di** throbbing, mouth drooling, a** clenching, eye rolling, hip thrusting, sheet gripping, knuckles cracking, jaw dropping, mind blogging, soul snatching, moan inducing, back breaking, gushy, creamy, lip biting, mind blowing, body shivering, bone breaking, world ending, black hole creating, universe destroying, voice cracking, eye widening, pu**y popping, nail scratching, mouth foaming, devils tango orgasm ever, you could cause a nuclear bomb inside me and i'd still ride

7/10 profile pic

♥♥♥♥♥ are so cuteee!!!! >w<

♥♥♥♥♥ are so cute omg(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ when you hold one in your hand and it starts twitching its like its nuzzling you(/ω＼) or when they perk up and look at you like" owo nya? :3” hehe \~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!（＾ワ＾） and the most adorable thing ever is when sperm-sama comes out but theyre rlly shy so u have to work hard!!(๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)✧ but when penis-kun and sperm-sama meet and theyre blushing and all like "uwaaa\~!" (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ: ･ﾟhehehe\~penis-kun is so adorable (●´Д｀●)・

+rep bacon king fr fr no cap on god skibidi rizz

-rep eats ♥♥♥♥♥ too good

-rep cs cheater ques with other cheaters

I saw Eden a grocery store yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him about his album's release date or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly

Mug scares me

bing

I find toes very pleasing to my human eyes and would like to see more. Get your plain dolls and firekeepers out of your game, Miyazaki. If we can't look at look at their silky soles and smooth toenails then what's the point of even talking to these npcs. Plus, it adds a great value roleplaying aspect to the game. Having my character be forced to look down at the feet of the firekeeper, maiden in black, plain doll, or emerald herald helps helps me flesh out my character as someone with an intense foot fetish. It's my personal headcanon that the feet worship of these characters is what allows them to get stronger. If this element of the games doesn't continue I will be very sad.

Attack on Titan turned my son Alt-Right. What do I do?

I feel distraught. I am a serious progressive and I raised my son to be so as well. We always taught him the importance of tolerance, progressive values, and compassion for others. It goes without saying, feminism was strongly encouraged in our household. Months back, I got a suspicion he was being exposed to radical ideas online. After he watched an anime called attack on titan, he came out as a white nationalist. He told me to watch it but I have no interest and it makes no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sense how he got that message out of it. As far as I can tell its about giants eating people. I asked him to explain and he said I needed to watch it. He says white people have been lied abut and that everything he was taught in school is wrong. He doesn't believe in women's rights and he thinks some races are less intelligent than others. I have been in tears nonstop. What can I do to stop my son from going down this road?

Hi. I am young girl, and I never had s e x in my life. My friends laugh at me. I decided to write to random user, may be my fate will send me cool guy who will deflower me and who will become my s e x u a l teacher... This random guy is you. So if you can and want to teach me how to make s e x, go ahead and find me at goo.gl/8Lpsno#7471 My username here is the same as on here. I will not respond you here. Hurry up until some else will start to teach me 😉

👌🏿🍆👌🏿🍆👌🏿🍆👌🏿🍆👌🏿🍆 good ♥♥♥♥ go౦ԁ ♥♥♥♥👌🏿 thats ✔ some good👌🏿👌🏿♥♥♥♥ right👌🏿👌🏿there👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌🏿👌🏿 👌🏿НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿 💯 👌🏿 🍆🍆🍆 👌🏿👌🏿Good ♥♥♥♥

Gimme that

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👌🏿🍑👌🏿🍑👌🏿🍑👌🏿🍑👌🏿🍑 good ass go౦ԁ ass👌🏿 thats ✔ some good👌🏿👌🏿ass right👌🏿👌🏿there👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so myself 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌🏿👌🏿 👌🏿НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿 💯 👌🏿 🍑🍑🍑 👌🏿👌🏿Good ass

oh ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Damn you're one hot piece of ass if i do say so myself 👌👌👌

slap dat ass

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You should change your name to CuteButt McGee because daAAAAAMN DAT ASS THO

*gets down on one knee* you’re so kawaii desu desu. you make my kokoro go doki doki. watashi wa in love with you. *pulls out little box* would you make me the happiest weaboo alive and become my waifu?

DAMN LOOK AT U WIT YO CUTE FACE

hello! sorry for scare, but just notice profile on the Steam Community. you know how hard it are to find girls who play video game nowadays??? well, Im glad I stumble apon this little prof cause I gotta say.... ur prety cute!! ^ ((sorry for scare, no trouble ) well... I was wondering if u wanted to play tf2 with me (Im a plat sniper, so I can carry my little princes if need. =-}) CUZ I really want someone to pub wit me.. hey hey, maybe even I could get you unusual as little gift. you like Buring? Me too, me too. anyways any, do you maybe have Skype? (no scare. no scare, I iust like meating eye to eye.) if we skype, I think we could have some good buddy commucation. :)) ( i can even turn down my dubstep music in the background if you want...) add me if you want please, I jsit need friend maybe even girlfriend, to play video with.m I can be the perfect guy for you, trust!! ill buy whatever, do whatever, okay?? jsit pick up that phone and CALL. :)

DAAAAMN YOU'RE CUUUUTE

OKAY MON ZIZI HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIH <3

+rep makes me the happiest person in the universe