🧠 Certified Strat Caller (by accident)

🔫 90% aim, 10% prayer, 100% failure

🎖️ Global Elite in panic

🥇 MVP of warming the bench

🧃 Hydrated gamer. Skills dry tho.

💼 CEO of Rushing B (and dying)

🥔 Potato Aim Specialist since 2014

📜 Stat Lines That Tell a Story
K/D: No
Headshot %: Statistically irrelevant
Mouse DPI: 12,000 — I spin for intimidation
Clutch Wins: Emotionally
Smoke Lineups: What’s that?
Reaction Time: Depends on the mood
Top Map: Dust 2 (because I can spell it)

💬 Fake Reviews / Testimonials
“He tried to defuse a smoke.” – Random Teammate
“I watched him flash himself 3 times in 1 round.” – Valve Bot
“Global Elite? More like Global Embarrassment.” – Mom
“He ran through molly yelling ‘YOLO’.” – Terrorist Side Witness
“He made the Negev meta. Accidentally.” – Patch Notes, probably

🐔 CS2 Role Breakdown
Entry Fragger (into bullets)

Lurker (forgot to leave spawn)

AWPer (blind but hopeful)

Support (emotionally)

IGL (calls strats like "go kill")

🛠️ Settings Confessions
Crosshair: Yellow, because it matches my cowardice
Sensitivity: Too high, like my ego
Res: 4:3 stretched. To stretch the truth
Bindings: F = drop weapon, G = drop career

🧍‍♂️Personal Quotes Section
“If I’m not bottom frag, the match is rigged.”
“Flashbangs are just spicy light.”
“They can't wallbang if there's no wall. I blew it up.”
“Smoke mid? I am the smoke.”
“Rush B, pray, scream. Repeat.”

📦 Inventory Flex (or Lack Thereof)
💰 $0 invested, $3000 emotionally

🧱 Favorite skin: Default Knife

🔫 Doppler Dreams, Sand Dune Reality

🐍 Opened 1400+ cases. Got depression.