Oof

I am here to wolf these jokes down, because making puns is quite Awoosing.

What do you call a formally-dress Shou?
A Tie-ger.

Did you hear about that time Fujiwara no Mokou watched the sun setting over her bloodied corpse?
Watched the sunset upon the Houraisan.

Did you hear about that time that they sealed-up all the doors to Old Hell?
There was no way out Orin.

Did you know that Youmu used to be a Pop Idol before she retired to a life of landscaping for minimum wage?
She's a ghost of her former self.

Did you hear? Yuugi's practically suicidal after losing her horn in a fight.
Without it, her life is pointless.

TOU HOU HOU! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It had to be done...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DEAaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Hey look the group for me!

I don't get the puns \(°∀ °)/

3:38 PM - Ichirin Kumoi: Hey. Hey, you know how barbers work-out, Youmu?
3:38 PM - Ichirin Kumoi: They do...
3:39 PM - Ichirin Kumoi: Curls. ↁヮↁ

If you cross Ichirin and Cirno, what do you get?
Prayer Conditioning.

All the liquor in Eintei is served NEET.

Not bad.

8:11 PM - Ichirin Kumoi: Also, have you considered why it's so hard to beat you in contests?
8:12 PM - Yuugi/Green: ?
8:12 PM - Ichirin Kumoi: Sometimes it feels like you're always...
8:12 PM - Ichirin Kumoi: ONE POINT A HEAD.
8:12 PM - Yuugi/Green: :/
8:12 PM - Yuugi/Green: ba-dump tsh

How does Alice get tickets to see the Prismrivers perform?
She pulls some strings.

Water. All over my desk. Curse you, nun.

Aya's outfit is predominantly black and white.
I suppose that makes it monocrowm.

When it comes to telling puns, Tojiko and Mima don't have a leg to stand on.

Chen's been in an artistic slump as of late.
She lost her mews.

If you cross Suika and Momiji?
You get a booze-hound.

Eientei is actually an asylum for high-risk patients.
Everyone there is a Lunatic.

Yoshika's super-popular. If you look, she's -Tagged- in every photo.

Known for her exceptionally deep voice and repetitive lyrics, Inaba has begun a career in the music industry under the stage-name Tei Zonday.

Kyouko's favorite Instant Messenger?
Yahoo!

If Wriggle Nightbug investigated suspicious deaths, she'd be a Forensic Infestigator.

Rumors say that Iku says her own name during a climax.

I'm horrid at puns, so I'll give it a shot.

Reisen has created a new programming language. It's called "Bunnary".
I'm terrible.

What do you call Mystia on her birthday?
A party fowl.

Another one.

yay a comment

Ichirin Kumoi: "Stick" equates to "Food" at this point. I've developed some sort of Pavlovian conditioned response.
­­­Veronica "Stockholm": Pavlov, eh?
Ichirin Kumoi: Pavlov indeed.
Ichirin Kumoi: Does his name...
Ichirin Kumoi: ...Ring a bell~?

Ichirin Kumoi: Sorry about that. Every now and then my display drivers just pause.
Reisen Udongein Inaba: Ah.
Ichirin Kumoi: They're probably waiting on a laughtrack.
Ichirin Kumoi: Snrk, snrk.
Ichirin Kumoi: Because my computer's a joke, you see.

Hong Meiling is confirmed for Futanari.

Products from China tend to be choking hazards.

Together, Cirno and Momiji have an emergency response unit.

It's called ⑨-Wan-Wan.

Marisa Kirisame, in her spare time, has begun to stay into the ventures of cinematography.

You may know her by her pseudonym, Thievin' Stealberg.

A clumsy Alice Margatroid is an Alice Maladroit.

Hmmh, it's gotten pretty silent here.

Myschi: It is very windy outside.
Ichirin Kumoi: Tell Aya to ♥♥♥♥ OFF.
Myschi: Caw
Ichirin Kumoi: Girl, shoot. I didn't know you were so fowl-mouthed.
Myschi: I get it!

Ichirin Kumoi: I have a plastic cutting board - I don't like it so much because if I cut say...
Ichirin Kumoi: Mushrooms on it?
Ichirin Kumoi: BLAM!
Ichirin Kumoi: PERPETUAL BLACK SMUDGES ALL OVER IT.
Ichirin Kumoi: Only recently have I gotten around to getting a little plank to cut on.
Cecilia: I have my own personal plank to cut on, now.
Cecilia: I even made a little Chinese-style star on it with woodcutting...?
Cecilia: Because you use knives on it.
Cecilia TERRIBLE PERSON.
Ichirin Kumoi: Aah-! I remember this one!
Ichirin Kumoi: ...
Ichirin Kumoi: I NEVER KNEW IT WAS A PUN.
Ichirin Kumoi: OH YES.
Ichirin Kumoi: I LOVE IT.

puns are the scum of the earth

I found a miko, bright and fair...
In little bunches she kept her hair!
Her beauty was bright, and beyond compare-...!
Until I was...
...Naaughty.
The shrine, with me! The tiger Shou...
An untamed mess her hair did grow!
I knew it then, as now, I know-...
...That I'd been naaughty.
Yakumo Ran and darling Chen...
Their fuzzy tails did lure me in!
No sooner near did I begin...
...To be quite -Naughty-!
And that's the tale, the tale of when
I got into this cell I'm in.
My tale I hope you did enjoy...
Naughtily yours,
I. Kumoi~

Eiki: I don't usually do clone matches in Phantasmagoria of Flower View.
Eiki: But when I do, I use Dos Eikis
Ichirin Kumoi: ...
Ichirin Kumoi: I hear you're starting a Country Music career?
Ichirin Kumoi: Your new single Eiki Breaky Heart is pretty awful - I give that venture a week.

Orin and Chen wrote a grimiore for keine school.
They called it "The Nekonomicon"

Cirno went to the bank one day.
They said she had all her assets frozen.

Rumia decided to visit the Myouren Temple one night.
Upon seeing the resident tiger, she responded:

Is that Shou?

If you cross Suwako's hat with half of Youmu's soul?

Myonta.

Cat and the Coup is an amazing game.
Can we get back to puns now