The long awaited completion of the Inebriation Station and the Motion Sensor Candy Dispenser is finally upon us. Your donations and charity have made it possible to strengthen our establishment. Now you can join your pupils in a controlled habitat designed to promote healthy mind expansion in comfort and safety. This is for you, by you, and you are the only ones to be thanked.

Sincerely,
The Advisors.

It's that time of the year again, friends. Get out your bibles and your slide rules! It's time to acquaint the unenlightened with the righteousness of Christian Science. It's your duty to illuminate the world. The Reprogramming!

This year, The Advisors spoke of rewards for those that recruit the most; something that has never been done before. Now you all have a chance to join The Elders at The Institute of Edification.

We here at CFSM would like to thank you for your inevitable participation in The Reprogramming.

Have fun!

Last week's leper cleansing raid was a major success! Our reports show that most of southern Texas is entirely leper free! You've all done a wonderful job! At this excellent rate, we will have had destroyed each and every leper by the year 2015! Keep up the good work!